Omid Mousaei

You just stood there
screaming for help
I walked backwards into the past
O misery…

I  collected words
but they were too heavy in your heart
I held tight to my pride
but you let yours follow mine close behind

Who is the killer
that makes your thoughts a ticking bomb clock
I wanted love
you wanted to crash at the end of a waterfall

I’ve been writing
but my words are so heavy
I can’t lift them from these endless lines
I wish I could kill time

I remember you, happily
your smile big as the ocean
you stood under the street lights
and that moment lasted forever

We got ourselves lost in a corner of a restaurant
I swallowed my words
and kept starring at you
till I lost my appetite

Some days I remember our start
some nights your hearts sings to me
then I remember how I tortured you
for what you had done in the past
while it was everything that made you be

Life’s colors hasn’t changed
I guess I am still the same
with a heart full of unknowns
waiting on a beautiful day that never came

All these lights
shinning through the night
with thoughts of you
and no sense of time

You will always be
everywhere, everything
dreams tonight
they are all gone
somewhere
but I can’t run away
baby is carrying her heavy heart

I want to be anywhere that you are
when the day breaks
and I want to cover you like the night
faster than hope sinks in your big love

You are comfort like home
gonna lay besides you
try to keep my words a ghost
keep my eyes locked on you
gonna try to kiss you
gonna answer your thoughts
gonna bring you nearest to being free
I can’t keep you inside

Gonna wait for the island bells to ring
I don’t have all the answers
gonna smile like you are around
but I am all alone
and this alone is alright

You know you could look into her eyes
She could love you
She could kill you
She could bury you in your thoughts
And you walk away not knowing how much time had past
The only thing you long for now is the killer in

Don’t feel so bad. I don’t have a worried mind. Making my way up, looking forward to see you against the sun. And the waves sleep all day, and the catfish is restless in its house, but is happy to be. Maybe you save me some time, not look at my wounds, but tell me we can have happier times. Now I have met some folks that don’t shake when they talk. I wish I could say the same, but I can never stand still when you are by my side. Take a look at what you done. You leave a smile and take away the worries of my song. Lets meet again and pass some time, lets share the stories we kept a secret for so long. I want you to know how I live inside. Its more than a few heart beats and a tasteless song. I don’t know where our road is taking us. Maybe that’s why we are holding hands and not letting anything separate us. I can’t help myself to come back to you. Maybe its because you are beautiful, or maybe its because you always smile, or maybe you are just simply so you. Don’t let my words fall behind, keep bringing me the waves pretty baby, and keep me happy inside. I have seen so many fishing boats, and I am familiar with the golden sun. I know the clouds, and I know the rain like I use to rule the sky. Come close to where the world is mine, and I can show you a sunny day that no grey sky could hide. I am walking by these railroad tracks, I am going to love everything I use to hate then way back. I can taste this, I can feel it in my bone. Maybe that’s why I watch you so close and want to place you on a throne. I am not falling, and I don’t want to fall too fast. I just want a sip, just a sip of your love and if I get greedy I would ask for it all. And I hope you feel this inside so at least I know I am not alone in the catfish house.

Must be some way I could lose track of time. Must be a way where I can go somewhere and not think of you all the time. Everyone is worried about the lonesome me, but I am free. I left myself long ago and came back when I knew I was ready. I am never packing my bags again. I am never gonna go blind and judge cause I can’t see, so don’t you love me because you feel bad for the lonesome me. One hundred million years passed in my mind. That was in matter of two minutes, but I thought of you almost one hundred million times. I missed your gaze and I miss the troubles you plan in your mind. Lets find love and have it fire up the sky. Lets find two lonely stools at a bar and share the burning we saw in the sky. Oh love, let my love knock on your door. I don’t want you to fall in love, I just want our hearts to get along. I know love doesn’t solve all my problems, but I know my love can become friends with your heart. I know you feel ok, but I got fuel for your fire and I got a thousand ways to set you free, so let my love be yours.

Its beginning of April, you hold half of the moon. I don’t know where you exactly are, but for you I will drag my legs a thousand miles. And if you can’t find me, just leave the light on. I can’t see nothing. I choose your light as my guide. And you can keep an eye on me, while you leave your lights on. Keep you lights on.

You were right. Love knows no time. Slowly I am getting the gist of said a long ago. I guess I had given my heart to my eyes, and my eyes to my brain, and my brain was acting as if it was my nervous hand that was holding on to your thoughts. I now know what it feels like to hang by a thread and still smile. I don’t need to know you. The experience of getting close has kept its beauty and I have learned to love you from afar. I sleep alone at nights. I am a man. But I am weak like a newborn and I beg like I never had you. Thoughts of you surround me. I fight myself to not get a hold of you. I surrender. I battle. I live. But I can’t love. Love will destroy it all. But you are my love and the closest thing to love. But love I have gave it my home. I place it all over the walls. And I worship each part of it as each part comes from a piece of you. So to say love is dead is to say im dead. I live for you.

3/28

I am still waiting for the Gods and their flood. Half dead. Gazing at the road and whats ahead. Where is my mind tonight? Where are my senses and their special needs? Where are the demons that didn’t want to hurt me, but wanted to give me the sun? I chain myself to your dreams. A blur is all it seems. I am going to the moon with your love and the sparrow that keeps your secrets inside. Passed the moon and came back with a scream. I got lost before I found the stardust upon your eyes. No one has won your heart. You sleep alone. I want you to hurt me. Let me feel the difference between pleasure and pain. Doesn’t matter to me anymore if we get far. Doesn’t matter if your heart feels like it won’t be enough. Doesn’t matter if I beg and you hide the weakness that is breaking your walls down. I am nothing now. Still the man that turns back to look at you twice. I stopped running after the truth. I look for beauty in flaws. You kept me to yourself like I was your child. And there is nothing to play and no sound to make. Every word is so quiet now till the day silence is awake.